Drive home - returned txt from neighbor/friend, also in stk prez, wanted to call me to a stake position working with YSAs, of which there's a 50+% inactivity rate. Hemmed, hawed, he said "stay with us...just stay with us"
On way home, stopped and took this pic. ("Stopped" doesn't quite described it -- she passed in front of me in the crosswalk while I was stopped at an intersection, so I looped around two blocks to intercept her later.) Doesn't do justice to her butt.
Arriving at home, saw that our Russian nanny, from when #1 was just a little older than #3 is now, was visiting from San Diego with her new husband. Sweetie. Happy with new husband; prvs husband (LDS guy she moved to the States to marry) was viciously abusive - black eyes, etc.
Mowed lawn as the sun set, watched wife vacuuming inside. Thought of how things could be different had we made different decisions in the years since the nanny. Maybe we should have divorced, although that of course means #s 3 & 4 wouldn't be here. Maybe we should have dispensed with our self interest altogether and given ourselves wholly to the marriage, putting it first above all other considerations. But instead we now have a mess, with massive scar tissue. Salvageable? Perhaps.
Cuddle last night - third time in several weeks we've slept in same bed - leave alone or grope me.
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