Reprieve

I was very close this month to resigning from my calling. It's a very cool calling that I, perhaps, haven't fully appreciated. When my wife and I told the kids at FHE a couple of weeks ago that the plan was for me to resign, our daughter began to weep openly, and then I with her, and we continued more or less to console each other until after I'd tucked her into bed.

As I'd approached what seemed to be an foregone decision, I began to feel as if I'd squandered the opportunity to grow through the calling, to open myself up to whatever might be sent my way, whether truth, light, joy, assurance, or what-not, because I was so often casual about the calling at best, and, too often, allowed myself to be lustfully distracted while I was --supposedly-- actively "serving." There was something soberingly familiar in today's Gospel Doctrine lesson from 1 Samuel, which tells of Eli's sons who, while serving as priests, "lay with the women that assembled at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation." While I certainly haven't lain with any of these women --at least not in real life-- it's not for lack of contemplation on my part.

Then, through some quick and supportive action from the extended family (details aren't necessary), we decided that I wouldn't quit, at least not for now. With this decision, a leaden weight has been pulled out of my gut, and I've sensed an almost immediate change in my attitude --maybe even resolve?-- with respect to the calling. I'm hopeful. We'll see.

Also, the following are excerpts from a note I found on the counter after arriving home late at night one evening:

We all miss you when you have these long nights, especially [#2]... You are a hard worker for us. I try to reinforce this frequently and from different angles with the children. We love you and are grateful to you. I recognize you have a lot on your shoulders right now. Let me know how I can help and I'll do my best. I love you. Thanks for rising to so many occasions.